Fishstrong Supporters!
As you know, part of what we do here at The Fishstrong Foundation is help raise awareness to brain tumors/ brain cancer as it does not get as much recognition and access to resources as some other cancers do. As all of you know, the brain is pretty much the most important part of the human body, and one of the only parts that cannot be transplanted. Therefore, we do the best we can to raise awareness to it. The story of Victor and the GoFundME page below are that of a family that is very close to the hearts of all of us here at Fishstrong. We encourage all of you to read the story, and we encourage all of you to donate to the cause to help this young man and his family as they continue to seek out the best treatment for Victor. Please support this family and share this story with your friends to help raise awareness to a condition that few people have experience with.
GO #TeamVictor!
-Thank you from The Fishstrong Foundation
"Victor's Story"
TeamVictor#, Praying, Believing...It isn’t an easy task to share someone else’s story in order to ask for help from people to support their cause. However, the story of this young man and his family has captured many hearts, to include mine. Through God’s prompting, I have felt led to start this fund. It's a lengthy story, but necessary. Please read as I share the story of a young man that has persevered through adversity his entire life, and still has the will to continue through a daily existence that has been reduced to what you and I would consider a “living hell.” I introduce to you: The Hottel Family….Jay, Laura, Andrew, Martin and Victor.
I’m not sure when I first heard of the Hottel family and “#TeamVictor.” I’m sure it was through a friend of a friend, or something like that. I just remember hearing about this incredible story that is a tale of the basic struggle for life over death. You know, the types of things that most of us walking around on a day-to-day basis have never had to really worry about. As I became more intrigued with the story of this family, I began to learn about their life, their love, and their struggles.
Martin and Victor Murray were born on New Year’s Eve, 1996. They were born as identical twins, into a family that would soon neglect them. At the age of 22 months, the State of North Carolina came in and removed them from their home. They were in such bad physical shape, that they were immediately hospitalized. All eyes that examined them were sure that the twins would be permanently scarred from the abuse, and each had notes that read, “mentally handicapped due to abuse,” placed in their files. Once the twins had recovered enough to be discharged, they were adopted by a family who was childless.
Happy ending, yes? Oh no….the first few years seemed to be adequate, but as time marched on, the ugly head of neglect reared its head again in these twins’ lives. The story is long and trying, but bottom line, the two were abandoned on and off over the years. There was a lot of verbal, physical, and emotional abuse, as well as neglect. I guess I could go on and on about how traumatized they were, but I think why most people become intrigued with these twins is because during these years, they somehow maintained an incredible amount of integrity. They loved to study their Bible, couldn’t wait to go to church, had heightened concern for others who may not have a relationship with Christ, and had an immense amount of respect for adults, even those who treated them poorly. The words “ma’am” and “sir” forever lived on the tips of their tongues, no matter what. And amazingly enough, both boys, despite the mentally handicapped label that was stuck in their files, became full AIG students. They both have engaged in an academically rigorous schedule, both residing in the top 10% of their graduating class. They accomplished this without school supplies and even under punishment if they touched paper in the home that “didn’t belong to them.” Over the years, it was evident that any and all teachers that had the twins in their classrooms became painfully aware of the neglect and abuse, but were absolutely amazed by their determination to rise above it and become better people.
The twins suffered from various ups and downs over the years, and in August 2012, at age 15 ½, met a family, the Hottels, who volunteered to pick them up for an evening youth group program. The Hottel family quickly became enamored with their obvious bright and kind mannerisms, and offered to take the boys to church again, or anywhere else they needed to go. Both Jay and Laura Hottel were unaware of the fact that at the time when they met Martin and Victor, they were living alone in their home – they had been abandoned by their mother again, and their father was absent most days and nights due to work and time spent with his wife. Each day, the twins would get themselves up for school. The food they ate for lunch, many times ended up being the main meal they had during this period in their lives. They paid for their school lunch by using money they had earned by lifeguarding and coaching soccer at the YMCA over the summer. This was just the norm for them. As the weeks progressed, both Jay and Laura became suspicious that something wasn’t quite right. They boys were terribly hungry, no one was ever home, and they both needed school supplies. Martin began calling Laura during the week, asking for the use of their computer to complete AP and Honors work. Both the boys always asked to come over to the Hottel’s home, and never wanted to back to their own. Week after week passed, and by November, the Hottels became very concerned for the children. They fed them many times a week, took them places they needed to go, and helped them get school supplies that were required. At the end of November, Martin and Victor reluctantly stated that their mother had contacted them and announced to them that she was coming home. They both were devastated at this announcement because their mother, who had a habit of leaving for months at a time, and who was also the abuser, was already threatening them with how their lives would change under her thumb upon her return. On the night of December 5, 2012, the mother visited the home for a “discussion” that ended up turning into a heated argument between her and Martin. Victor wasn’t there. He had decided he couldn’t live life like this anymore. He put his coat on, carried his backpack on his back, and walked out into the dark, misty, cold December night. He started walking the 4 miles to the Hottel’s home. During this walk, he contemplated which car was moving fast enough to end his misery, however for some reason, he never took that step into the dismal road. At about 7PM, he arrived, cold and weary at the front door on the Hottel’s home. Jay and Andrew, Laura’s 13 year old son, were at church getting ready for some of the upcoming Christmas programs. Laura was home. Within minutes of Victor’s arrival, she became painfully aware that Victor needed more than she could offer. After a quick text to the youth pastor, Laura took Victor over to the church, where eventually Jay and Martin ended up. Apparently a lot took place that night, to include threatening phone calls from the twins’ parents. Once returning home, they were even kicked out of their home, and forced to turn in their keys. Again, Jay and Laura were there for them. A couple of days passed, with more behavior like this. Needless to say, Jay and Laura sat in silent desperation as social workers became involved. There were lots of hands in the pot now, and Jay and Laura knew they had no rights to the 15 year old boys. They just wanted them safe and happy. That’s all that mattered.
Then the impossible happened. As if God stepped in and placed Martin and Victor in His hand, He literally lifted them out of their situation. On December 7, out of nowhere, the father called Jay and asked to meet him. As you can imagine, this was quite a delicate and tedious situation, but Jay happily agreed to go speak to the father. Both Jay and Laura thought that the father was going to ask them to never speak to the children again, but instead, he asked them if they wanted to have the boys. Without batting an eye, Jay immediately said yes, and that afternoon, Laura left work and drove over to pick up the twins from school and bring them home. It was instantaneous family and love.
I’m sure you can imagine, there are lots more details, to include some very heart wrenching ones. However, on that day, Jay and Laura made Martin and Victor their sons. Clothes shopping, personal care shopping, bed shopping….it all began. Christmas was around the corner and so was their 16th birthday…and so was DSS, who threatened the Hottels by telling them they couldn’t just “have” the boys. They were going to have to go to a group home instead. As unreal as this sounds, this became the next hurdle for the family. Even though DSS knew of some of the abuse that was going on at home, because reports had been previously filed from school, DSS kept them in their abusive home. But as soon as the family dumped them, no one else was allowed to care for them either. Well, this didn’t stop the Hottels, or ultimately God. They hired a lawyer, and again, as if God handpicked the next step, a county judge signed the boys into the Hottel’s legal and permanent custody on December 31, 2012. That’s right – Happy 16th Birthday Martin and Victor! You have a new Mom and Dad now!
The following year was beyond amazing in many ways. The twins were so thankful for the love, devotion, and support they received. Both Jay and Laura, and even Andrew were thrilled to share life with them. They boys had never been to the beach – so they went! They had never seen the mountains – so they went! They had never gone fishing or hiking – so they went! And the big finale for the year was a cruise out of Miami over the Thanksgiving week. Jay and Laura had actually booked this cruise before they had even met the twins, and had been slowly paying on it all these months. So, two more children meant adding two more tickets! But they didn’t mind. They couldn’t wait for their family of 5 to spend their first Thanksgiving together this way. It would be an ultimate celebration. The twins were ecstatic to have their own tuxedos for the formal dress nights! They couldn’t believe that they were loved enough to be included.
Getting to this point throughout the first year together was little rocky. They both continued to have nightmares about their previous home. Victor still had moments of wondering why he was on this Earth – why wasn’t he loved by both sets of previous parents? What had he done wrong? Both Jay and Laura took turns in the evening staying up with the boys, especially Victor, trying to soothe him and talk him through his emotions. The family pursued counselors to help, but to no avail. However, little by little, Victor changed. He learned that yes, he was loveable, and what had happened to him wasn’t his fault. With one precious step at a time, he began to receive the love Jay, Laura, and Andrew had for him. Watching Victor free himself from the chains of abuse was absolutely amazing – it was very liberating for him, and anyone that knew him.
So, by Thanksgiving 2013, the family set sail on their cruise. Victor was a star wrestler for his high school team, and both twins were excelling in their academics, as usual. They were happily pushing through their junior year. Honestly, life was perfect. Jay and Laura knew they had two very special boys to help finish raising, and were honored and humbled by the opportunity. After a winning wrestling match on December 11, 2013, Victor came home and stated he didn’t feel very well. There were several lymph nodes sticking out of his neck. So, Laura made an appointment for him. The following day, he went to his physician. She ran some blood work, but found nothing. He had some fluid on his ears, so she prescribed an antibiotic and told him to rest over the weekend. Oh, how so much can change in a few days!
After multiple visits to the ER, and being turned away, Laura took Victor back to his physician on December 17, 2013. By this time, he had painful, weeping blisters over his face and neck. His lymph nodes were so swollen, that his face was slightly distorted. Slowly, Victor’s body was shutting down. He had become very quiet and weak over the past days. His doctor was horrified at how much he had changed, and couldn’t believe the local hospital had turned him away several times. She told Laura to get him to WakeMed in Raleigh. At this point, Laura already had a feeling that had overcome her – a feeling in her gut that told her something major was wrong. So, she went home, gave orders to Martin and her youngest, Andrew, spoke to Jay over the phone, and packed an overnight bag for herself and Victor. Little did she realize that the overnight bag wouldn’t cover the upcoming 9 straight months of living in a hospital that followed. No one was prepared for what happened next.
Needless to say, WakeMed accepted Victor. They immediately began running tests, and by 3AM on December 18, Laura and Victor had settled down for the night in his room. During that day, Victor’s condition worsened. His pain increased significantly and he began to have seizure like activity. He no longer could tolerate light or sound. Baffled, the doctors decided to order an MRI of Victor’s brain. They had been working on a diagnosis, and had narrowed the blisters down to either the Shingles or Herpes Gladitorium – a specific type of herpes that gets on the skin of wrestlers and boxers. The doctors were worried that either way, this virus could be attacking Victor’s brain. Early in the morning, December 19th, Victor went in for his MRI. What was supposed to be a 45 minute scan, turned into about a two hour scan. Something was wrong. Not long after Victor arrived back in his room, the solemn-faced doctors slowly entered the room. Laura has described the scene before – Victor was laying in his bed with Jay sitting next to him. Laura stood by the foot of the bed as the doctors entered the room single file, and Victor’s nurse, who happened to be a cancer survivor herself, eased her way over to Victor and gently touched his arm. It was painfully obvious that something bad was coming. The doctors huddled near the end of Victor’s bed. One of them pulled up his MRI on the screen, while another one cleared her throat and began to break the news. The words “brain tumor, brain stem, 3cm….” all came out at the same time. This wasn’t good, this just wasn’t good. The life of the body is in the brain stem. And 3cm? That is a huge tumor to be in the brain….this wasn’t good. Laura remembers turning her head back to catch a glimpse of Victor. That sweet boy, that boy who had taken a year to recover from years of abuse, that wonderful boy who had lived and laughed more in one year than in his entire life, that precious boy was getting ready to have yet another life changing experience at age 16, but this one epitomized a type of seriousness that was immeasurable. As Laura turned her head to see Victor, all she could see were large tear drops rolling down his cheeks. Laura turned away quickly, cleared her throat, and asked the doctors what would happen next….an immediate transfer to Duke University Hospital.
Laura turned back around, smiled at Victor, all while forcing back tears and swallowing internal screams of “NO,” and said “I’ll be right back dear – I need to make some phone calls to get things going.” I have heard Laura describe the next moments of leaning against stark white walls at the end of the hallway, crying, calling people, feeling numb, slumping against wall in a limp mass…She had to get Martin to the hospital. Victor wanted him. Someone else was going to have to tell Martin why he was being checked out of school and driven to Raleigh. Andrew was already visiting family for Christmas….that’s right! It was Christmas! This wasn’t supposed to happen! It was Christmas…. By 4PM, the family was in an ambulance, enroute to Duke.
Victor remained at Duke the entire time before his surgery on December 27th. His blisters were a confirmed case of Herpes Gladitorium, which had to be healed before being operated on. During the 8 days before his surgery, his body became weaker and weaker. He had to endure a spinal tap, multiple IV’s and blood draws, pain that even a morphine pump couldn’t control, vomiting, loss of eye movement, and the inability to empty his bladder. He wasn’t able to get out of bed without falling over, and sound and light were intolerable to him. He had a migraine type headache that was so painful, that no drugs could solve the torture. His blood pressure went up to about 182 over 120, and so many CT scans were ordered to search for possible strokes, that the family lost count. Victor was fading before their very eyes.
On December 27th at 6:45 AM, Laura, Jay and the transport team wheeled Victor to the OR holding room. Today was the day. The team of nurses buzzed around Victor in the holding area. Everyone whispered and the lights were kept low. Laura has shared the last words that Victor spoke that morning– no one knew they would be his last words though. The family had placed a black, knit cap over his head so that it could be pulled down over Victor’s eyes. Laura gently lifted it up, leaned over his face, touched his cheek and whispered, “Victor, today is a good day my dear. Today is the day that your headache will be gone. Today is the day that your tumor gets removed.” Victor, with eyes that could penetrate your soul, looked back into his mother’s eyes and said, “No more headache? I won’t hurt anymore?” Laura responded with “No baby, no more hurt. Today is a good day.” Victor was wheeled away, and a 12 hour surgery and recovery time ensued. Laura and Jay sat for 12 long hours in the OR waiting room. It wasn’t supposed to take that long….but finally! Finally, the doctor came in and was ready to speak to them. She happily announced that the whole tumor came out, and rather easily! She was pleased to share that no stroke or any other problem occurred….except that he wasn’t breathing on his own, and that he wouldn’t wake up. It was obvious she was puzzled, but she remained optimistic that in the coming days he would be able to come out of the ICU and get to a rehabilitation unit to help him recover from any damage the tumor may have done. It sounded so simple. Laura and Jay praised God for the successful surgery and made their way to PICU. As they wheeled Victor in, tubes and monitors were all over him. Victor was bruised and swollen, and his head was bandaged with a tube running out of his skull, draining a bloody liquid from his brain. It was not what they expected, to say the least, but he was with them, and that horrific day was over.
From this point on, the story becomes too tattered and torn to even attempt to describe adequately. Victor’s body never woke up. He opened his eyes the next day, but he was unable to move or speak. Simple movements such as swallowing or blinking no longer existed. Things such as smiling, tasting food, holding someone’s hand, or saying I love you had vanished for Victor. Nothing worked. It even took months before he could breathe on his own, without a machine. Doctors and nurses were puzzled by his condition. One pediatrician even suggested to just give Victor morphine to “make him comfortable,” because this was as good as it was going to get. None of the doctors at Duke gave him any hope. Victor spent 7 weeks in PICU. His EVD (drain for his brain) became damaged and was even torn out at one point. He had multiple drill sites in his skull before a permanent shunt was placed in his brain. He lost 50 pounds in one month and went through every neurological problem possible. However, his parents never left his side. They learned how to clean and suction his trach and even “bag him” when he would have episodes of not being able to breathe while taking a break from his ventilator. They learned how to feed him through his feeding tube and even replace old ones with new ones. On March 10, he was finally shipped to Vidant Hospital in Greenville, to attempt to rehab him, only to find that his shunt was at the wrong setting and he had developed severe hydrocephalus. Because he couldn’t blink, his corneas became severely scarred, and the ophthalmologist that worked with him ended up sewing his eyes shut – the only thing that Victor could do, which was see, was even taken away from him. His time at Vidant was cut short because the team there wouldn’t deal with his shunt, so he was sent back to Duke. Two traumatic back-to-back ambulance rides that exhausted Victor’s body that just wasn’t working. With the exception of the 5 days at Vidant, Victor spent 4 consecutive months at Duke, either in ICU or the Stepdown unit, with either Laura or Jay right by his side. They refused to leave him in the condition he was in. Over time, people would ask, “Why are you doing this, he isn’t even yours?” Well, again, day or night, someone was by his side. Despite the fact that he could barely wiggle his fingers or toes, Laura and Jay knew he was in there, regardless of what the doctors were saying. And he was…but it was 4 months of hell. Four months of no sleep, four months of watching him go into neurological fits that no one could help control. Four months of him experiencing tachycardia and then bradycardia. Four months of learning how to suction mucus and secretions out of his trach so he wouldn’t choke. Four months of learning how to “bag him” before the nurses could even arrive, whenever he stopped breathing. Four months of listening to every bell and whistle of the equipment, and learning which ones were the ones that meant death was trying to creep in.
On April 10th, 2014, Duke released Victor to another hospital. This one was all the way in Charlotte, which was about 3 hours from their home. The four months at Duke had already taken a financial toll on them, not to mention the levels of stress with someone always being by Victor’s side while the other parent helped the two other boys with school and other activities. This place though, Levine Children’s Hospital, was supposed to be the best in the State for rehab. And after what happened to Victor, he needed a positive place to go – somewhere fresh, somewhere where people had hope and belief in him. So, Jay soon resigned from his job so he could be the one to help in Victor’s rehabilitation. Laura, who had taken a leave of absence from her work already, decided she would drive back and forth from Fayetteville to Charlotte, care for the other children, supervise the building of a handicapped addition to their home that would accommodate Victor, and manage the household affairs.
Within a few days of being at Levine, Victor started to slowly move fingers, toes, then his arms, and legs. He couldn’t speak, blink, or swallow, but needless to say, the progress was so exciting! Hope seemed to build every day for the family! He had therapists that really cared and were committed to making something good happen for Victor. However, right after Mother’s Day, Victor woke up one morning and couldn’t move again – everything had stopped working. Scans showed nothing…Victor had even begun to learn sign language and had shared with Jay and Laura a few days prior that something was beginning to feel different. No one expected to be brought back to ground zero. Whatever had happened to Victor this time, became another problem that persisted for months. The heart brokenness that the Hottels felt was immeasurable. Why? What happened? Why didn’t anyone know anything again!
As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, Victor experienced so many trials. He slowly started to move a little again, however, he was so weakened. Everyone noticed that something seemed different about his eyes, only to find out that Victor could no longer see. Something had changed in his brain that compromised his vision. Victor also continued to suffer from either his brain having too much fluid, or not enough. Finally, a new neurosurgeon came on board to address this problem that Victor had been struggling with since the original brain surgery. It took two more surgeries, and several more months of struggling, but a new shunt was placed, and to this day, it is still trying to be manipulated in a way that best fits Victor. As you can see, honestly, nothing has gone right and it surely has been a most difficult road.
Even though Victor made slight progress at Levine, after 9 straight months of being in a hospital everyday, Victor decided he wanted to go home. On September 10, the Hottels packed up from their 5 month stay in Charlotte, 9 month total stay in a hospital, and headed home. Martin had already started his Senior year, without his twin by his side. Andrew had begun his Freshman year, and Laura reluctantly returned to work full time. Jay had become the primary caregiver for this 6’1” teenaged boy who couldn’t see, swallow, blink, or really even move.
The community hosted quite the homecoming event for the family, which was more than emotionally moving. Hired nurses have been in and out, Victor has started back to school in a homebound status. This most amazing child listens to his work as it is read to him, then answers questions by signing. He is confined to his bed most days and has continued to go to dozens of appointments – Jay and Laura still continue to seek answers, but continually get the slow head shake of “Sorry, there is no hope. The tumor damaged every part of the stem.” However, they won’t give up. This child, this precious child has been through too much. He was stripped of love and affection while growing up, and Jay and Laura refuse to set him aside because of his condition. To this moment, they still don’t ever leave him alone as they both diligently and furiously move through each day and night.
Victor is a very sick child. He has spent 14 months confined to his body. The Hottels have been reduced to one income and major strains to their household have been added – all of this coming at them one year after rescuing boys who wanted to be loved and held the utmost potential for life – and still do. Yes, even Victor…because he says he isn’t giving up, no matter what.
I have been a part of the Hottel’s lives only for a few months, but I can tell you that their story is one of love and faith. They constantly stay positive, always searching for the good in each day, no matter how the day ends. Their needs are so great though, and they dare not ask anyone. So that is where I come in. I know what they need. I have been to their home. I have seen the help that they need but refuse to ask for. I have observed their day to day struggles as they have been reduced not only to one, lowly teacher’s income, but the loss of Jay’s medical insurance that Laura had to financially take a hit against on her already meager income. On a monthly basis, they are robbing Peter to pay Paul, to meet Victor's needs as well as the rest of their family's needs. It is a struggle to meet their financial responsibilities to include their house payment on a monthly basis. They are not extravagant. Martin will be going to college soon. Retirement accounts have been depleted to pay for the handicap addition that was only supposed to cost this amount that they were told. I have seen the small vehicle they try to transport Victor in to his dozens of appointments. I have seen the astronomical hyperbaric chamber bills that are not covered by insurance, yet they continue to take Victor. I have observed the constant mini-van rental bills they incur as they still travel back and forth to Charlotte for his neurosurgery appointments. I’ve examined their destroyed yard that the builder left for them to deal with, wanting to charge them to clean up damage that was caused….all of this is only the tip of the iceberg for them. But, they remain steadfast and faithful to not only Victor and their two other boys, but to our God. This is a story of faithfulness, of love, and sheer determination. I beg of you, to do whatever you can for this precious family. Some can do more than others. Although "GoFundMe" is a monetary donation, some of you reading this have the means to buy them a vehicle to transport Victor, or to pay off their house. If "GoFundMe" can raise millions for the man in Chicago that walked over 20 miles to work and back on a daily basis, to buy him a new car, and make the national news, I know we can do it for the Hottel's too!! If you want to do more, please contact me through this page.
The story has not ended yet – oh no! It has just begun. Will you help me write their ending? Will you help me be a part of their solutions, not problems? Will you help? What would you want if that were you laying in a bed with a broken body? What would you want for your son? Worrying about how you're going to keep a roof over your head should be the least of your worries.
Let’s not forget Victor. Help him to become a story of VictorY!
